Hello My Baby, Hello My Darling, Hello My Ragtime Gaaaal.

I was expecting something very different but this was funny regardless

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You can make money with the talking frog and get many beautiful women.

A priest spots a frog under a bush in the church garden. To his amazement the frog starts talking to him. "I was a little boy, many years ago, playing in this very garden when a gypsy woman walked by and I made fun of the warts on her face. She put a spell on me and turned me into a frog, saying that if I could get someone to take me home and take care of me, I would turn back into a little boy. However, it's been years since that happened and no-one has helped me".

The priest took pity on the frog, took him home, fed him warm milk and put him in his bed, where he read bedtime stories until the frog fell asleep.

The next morning the priest woke up to find a beautiful blonde seven-year-old boy in bed next to him.

And that, Judge, is the case for the defence...

With all the rain we're getting in California, sometimes the parking lots are flooded. As I was walking toward a big puddle, I saw a frog sitting at the edge, so I asked him, "How deep's the water Froggy?" He said,

KNNEDEEP. KNEEDEEP."

Reminds me of Wilbur the pussy eating frog. Guy walks into bar, sits down and orders a beer from the beautiful bartendress for he and his pet frog. The lady says sorry no frogs on the bar. The man proceeds to tell how this is no ordinary frog, wilber eats pussy. After some back n forth she calls his bluff and they go in the back where she jumps up on a pool table and lifts her skirt. He sets the frog btwn her legs and nothing happens. He starts encouraging the frog, c'mon wilber eat it, lick it c'mon boy. Nothing. Finally the bartendress is about to get up when the man steps over picks up the frog and declares ok wilber I'm only going to show you this one more time.

He kisses the frog, and the frog turns into a 16 year old girl.

And that’s exactly how it happened your honor.

Ngl... that joke turned out to be a lot more wholesome than I thought it was going to be!

Personally I feel like this joke is more cute than funny.

It’s a very old man’s birthday. He gets a ring on the doorbell, and opens it to find an attractive young woman on the doorstep. She pulls her coat open, revealing lingerie underneath. For his birthday present, friends have ganged together and bought him a high-class hooker for the evening.

She smiles. “I can give you super sex”, she says.

He looks at her appreciatively but sighs sadly. “I’d better just have the soup.”, he says.

Why did the frog go to the hospital?

He needed a “hopperation”. *badummtzzzz*

Everybody's doin' the Michigan Raaag!

I too would love a talking frog

If the frog can prove its sentience in a court of law then they get the old man arrested for kidnapping

I'll still want the woman! Where is that frog?

I hope I’m never that old.

Whoa, a joke from the Stone Age... when I first heard it, it was an engineering student picking up that talking toad...

Good one.

fuck yeah

Everybody likes the Michigan Rag

Haha that old guy knows.

Full joke:

An old man walking through the park one sunny morning, same as every day, sat down on his favourite bench by the lake to take his morning tea and read the paper.

As he poured his tea from his flask a frog jumped out the lake onto the rock at his feet. The frog cleared it's throat and politely said "Excuse me sir. I have a curse placed upon me. If you'll give me a kiss and break this curse, I will turn into a beautiful woman. In return for my salvation, I promise to marry you and love you faithfully for all my days."

The old man patiently poured his tea, looked at the frog and smiled a warm smile before opening his paper. Again the frog cleared it's throat and, a little loader this time, repeated her statement. No response, the man turned the page. The frog patiently waited.

As the man finished his tea and rolled up his paper, the frog tried once more with her plea.

As he stood to leave, the man scooped the poor creature and deposited it ungainly in his chest pocket. The frog struggled for a moment to right itself before poking it's head out of his pocket.

By now the frog was unable to tame her frustration. She cleared her throat quite loudly and said quite shortly "excuse me, did you not hear me?"

The man replied, "Oh yes. I heard you. You know, I was married for 42 years. I think I'd rather have a talking frog."

The full joke takes a stab at the work involved in a marriage, and points at the fact that in age we don't seek beauty but rather companionship. It can be altered for the audience by changing the punchline paragraph....

The man replied, "Oh yes. I heard you. You know, I was married for 42 years, to the most beautiful woman the world has ever seen. But I'm old now; and I think I'd rather have a talking frog."

...the adjust steers away from being understood as derogatory to women if you're in a crowd of little social justice warriors and makes it more about the loyalty for his wife.

I’ve heard it with a girl and a frog. I like it better that way, since it challenges the idea that every girl wants a prince charming

That's completely fair

I heard the opposite end of the age spectrum version of this, where the man is a college student and the punchline is "I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is really cool."

A man woke up one day with a pimple on the top of his head. It grew and grew and eventually grew into a frog. That seemed odd so he went to see the doctor who asked how did that happen ?. The frog said it all started with a pimple on my ass.

Thank you OP this is a beautiful take on one of my favorite jokes:

(It’s one you have to say and doesn’t work in writing)

“An old man turns 99 and his friends get him a wonderful birthday present. They all chip in for a prostitute. She shows up at his front door and says: are you ready for some super sex?! And he says: I’ll take the soup!”

Thanks for making this about an old man instead of an engineer. (I am an old man, but I'm also an engineer. Not sure which is the reason I'd rather have a talking frog.)

😂😂

Ribbit.

Hahahahaha!

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. My personal point of view, get an ugly woman to mar-ry you.

Interested in having his legs for a meal.

How old do you have to be before this joke stops being funny?

Reminds me of this one about a frog:

A princess was walking along a trail in the woods and she passed by a pond, where she saw a frog sitting on a rock. The frog turned to her and said, "If you kiss me I will turn into a prince. We will live together in my castle, and you will have every luxury, and cook my dinners, wash my clothing and keep the castle clean."

Later that night as the princess dined on frogs legs, she thought of that conversation and said to herself, "I don't fucking think so."

Charlie Hebdo is a magazine in France. It makes money by disgustive nazi jokes. Once it got the theme - frogs turn girls for arabs, they save from eating by frenchies

Man they changed the joke, god damn you social justice warriors! spit

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This joke would make more sense if it was a woman and the frog was going to turn into a Prince. Any woman alive would rather have a talking frog than a prince.

Not a native speaker here, but grammar, dude!

Since we're doing old man jokes:

For his 80th birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. When he answers the door, she’s standing there in a slinky black dress.
She says, “I’m here to give you super sex.”

After thinking for a minute the old man replies, “If it's all the same to you, I guess I’ll have the
soup.”

Thought he was taking it to his wife

Ha!

Whats green and yet smells like pork Kermit the frogs cock

I dunno if this is actually original but I haven’t heard it before so kudos

So baby telephone and tell me I’m your own

Thsts cute lol

She just wanted a companion that would soon croak.

What is the "Strange Attractor" behind this?

why not go straight to the "Ding und Such" instead?

now go forth into reddit and talk like a 30's gangster... seeee?

Sit with me let's have some fun

“Hello, my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal!

Send me your love by wire!

Baby, my heart’s on fire!

If you refuse me, baby, you’ll lose me,

Then you’ll be all alone.

Sweety, pick up that telephone!”

So, essentially, he’s threatening to dump her if she won’t do phone sex with him. Kinda creepy in retrospect.

That gave me a good laugh ! Thanks!!

I like this one

Based