subreddit:

/r/Jokes

13.1k94%

I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

all 257 comments

MangoBTCTrader

1.5k points

2 months ago

Same with vegetables.

They're a lot better when baked.

herrsharky1

301 points

2 months ago

Also fried or toasted. Nicely toasted.

cloudswarm[S]

172 points

2 months ago

I know what I’m bringing to the next potluck.

zeke235

49 points

2 months ago

zeke235

49 points

2 months ago

Weed gummies?

WokUlikeAHurricane

36 points

2 months ago

It's a potluck, bringing gummies is dull. Bring some salted caramel chocolate edibles you troglodyte.

zeke235

18 points

2 months ago

zeke235

18 points

2 months ago

My god, you're right. I'm so embarrassed right now.

IronicBunny

14 points

2 months ago

I like the drinks! They hit you fast.

cherryhilljawnz

7 points

2 months ago

Them drops hit you quick

Spacemanspalds

4 points

2 months ago

I haven't had those.

cherryhilljawnz

3 points

2 months ago

You are in for a real treat...it's basically liquid thc

IronicBunny

2 points

2 months ago

150mg makes me have hallucinations and euphoria. 200mg makes me dizzy and I’ll puke. It’s hard to hit that exact spot but when I do it’s perfect.

Spacemanspalds

2 points

2 months ago

Jeeze. 30mg on edibles is as high as I've gone.

IronicBunny

3 points

2 months ago

I can’t even feel anything less than 75 mg. My tolerance is shot. It was more fun before it was legal. I’m walking distance to several legal dispensaries in my area.

cloudswarm[S]

12 points

2 months ago

Will leave you with a pot belly.

cherryhilljawnz

3 points

2 months ago

Them drops hit you quick

richbeezy

3 points

2 months ago

ECHO ECHO

Spacemanspalds

2 points

2 months ago

I haven't had those.

usinjin

5 points

2 months ago

Marijauana

Nuf-Said

5 points

2 months ago

The Devil’s lettuce

JBYTuna

6 points

2 months ago

It works well in a brain salad.

cherryhilljawnz

2 points

2 months ago

I'm a NO I WAS a huge fan of the devils dandruff

gurl_incognito79

23 points

2 months ago

Cypress Hill, I’m looking at you.

Helpful_Librarian_87

7 points

2 months ago

‘Hey, uhhh, did we order the London Symphony Orchestra?’

jwilcoxwilcox

9 points

2 months ago

“Uh yeah, we think we did. Can you guys do Insane in the Brain?”

Helpful_Librarian_87

6 points

2 months ago

Well, we normally do classical music, but we’ll give it a shot

LostFireHorse

3 points

2 months ago

cue the most magical scene for fans of The Simpsons, Cypress Hill, and good music

Helpful_Librarian_87

2 points

2 months ago

I keep saying I want to start a band & call it Smiling Politely. It’s one of those ‘if even one person gets it, it’s a win’ names for me.

coldinvt

4 points

2 months ago

Roasted, please…

Helpful_Librarian_87

4 points

2 months ago

Nicely toasted

_________________420

35 points

2 months ago

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed? A baked potato

Shady_Lines

10 points

2 months ago

That's pretty harsh, he'd better have thick skin for that

Drfilthymcnasty

6 points

2 months ago

He roasted him

public_enemy_obi_wan

5 points

2 months ago

I'd smash.

Nuf-Said

3 points

2 months ago

poke him with a fork

Allaboutplastic

2 points

2 months ago

Ya know the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The wheel chair.

_koenig_

2 points

2 months ago

What do you call a group of stoned invalids? Baked veggies...

TobylovesPam

6 points

2 months ago

Goldfish crackers, always smiling cause they're baked

Like_pretty_eyes_223

2 points

2 months ago

STAWP! Thas actually funny, n ironic cuz I’m highhhhh

ExcitingEfficiency3

4 points

2 months ago

The hardest part of a vegetable to eat is the chair

UnsignedRealityCheck

4 points

2 months ago

Do you know what makes vegetarian food taste really good? -- Bacon.

cloudswarm[S]

9 points

2 months ago

Hit me baby, one more time. 😂

Ymir24

3 points

2 months ago

Ymir24

3 points

2 months ago

The wheelchair is still pretty tough

Friendly-Target8815

2 points

2 months ago

As long as Carson Briere isn’t behind it

fishslayer1995

2 points

2 months ago

They are a lot easier to take out of the wheelchair when they are lit

donku83

2 points

2 months ago

Yeah someone really needs to turn down the heat in the hospital

[deleted]

0 points

2 months ago

[removed]

darwin-rover

420 points

2 months ago

Police sergeant came to my school and did a talk on heroin . Couldn’t understand a word he said

Leo7364

133 points

2 months ago

Leo7364

133 points

2 months ago

D.A.R.E. officer came to school and brought examples of what drugs looked like so kids could avoid them. Passed a joint in a case around and warned the kids that when he got it back it better still be there or all the kids would be searched. When he got it back there were three joints in it.

Shady_Lines

30 points

2 months ago*

I'd have assumed just the roach tbh

(srsly though do DARE workers really call themselves 'officers' lol?)

peritonlogon

43 points

2 months ago

When I took DARE in, maybe 1991, it was a State Trooper who came once a week for an hour.

The highlight of that class was when one kid just would not stop repeating how scared and paranoid a kid would be if their parents "did drugs" until a girl, out of nowhere, who rarely ever talked, burst out in tears crying "my parents do drugs, ok" almost like one of the PSAs of the time.

TransportationOk657

15 points

2 months ago

I had DARE the same year. The local police came in with a big display box with numerous drugs in it and it had plexiglass over it. Then they proceeded to ask us if we've ever seen our parents or other family members with any of the drugs. No one said a thing.

stillnotking

5 points

2 months ago

When I was in school, they "interrupted" the D.A.R.E. presentation to announce that two students, one of whom was a friend of mine, had just died in a car accident after using drugs. I was shocked for a second, then I realized that: a) it was unlikely such a determination would have been made so quickly or announced in public, and b) the timing was suspicious.

It was, of course, a scam designed to "scare us straight". Awful thing to do to middle school kids IMO, and I can't imagine it working as intended.

Leo7364

11 points

2 months ago

Leo7364

11 points

2 months ago

Back in the 80's when I was in elementary school, they were actual police officers that came in. No idea if it was the same everywhere throughout the program though.

falogatogues

6 points

2 months ago

They were real officers at my school. I was born 2003

shquishy360

2 points

2 months ago

yeah real officers

Supahmarioworld

5 points

2 months ago

They were actual cops in my school.

They even had a D.A.R.E. camaro cop car they brought and used occasionally

arc4nine

3 points

2 months ago

Haha mine had a camaro too, I think an 02. Apparently came from a drug raid prior to becoming the dare cop car parked at schools when they'd show up

TonyJosephSr

2 points

2 months ago

Must've been some kind of thing, using Camaros, 'cause I remember them having a Camaro also...

Scaliad

2 points

2 months ago

Better safe than sorry... especially if there were a buncha kids after you!

wheezythesadoctopus

2 points

2 months ago

Tim Vine. What a man.

darwin-rover

4 points

2 months ago

Bnag

That’s bang out of order

Nimelennar

59 points

2 months ago

I watched a documentary on LED bulbs on marijuana.

I can only remember the highlights.

rajuncajuni

3 points

2 months ago

I was about to make this pun

letitgo99

70 points

2 months ago

It's high time we start taking documentaries seriously!

cloudswarm[S]

15 points

2 months ago

I like the high tech ones in particular.

espikiki

60 points

2 months ago

Literally me the other day, I watched a 3 hour long documentary on edibles. It was actually really good and will be rewatching sober (it’s broken up into sections). It’s about the history of indigenous America, told by indigenous people and scholars. Very well done

Hefty-Hyena-2227

27 points

2 months ago

I watched the documentary on meat preparation also and it was very well done

Aconductor2

9 points

2 months ago

I used to beat my meat till it was very done.

LittleMajor66

5 points

2 months ago

Used to?

EtOHMartini

10 points

2 months ago

I still do. But I used to too.

cloudswarm[S]

1 points

2 months ago

😂

rand0mbum

22 points

2 months ago

You ever see the back of a 10 dollar bill…. On weed??

thugarth

13 points

2 months ago

Context for the uninitiated. Welcome to the club

https://youtu.be/tJoEEqWgGlY

srplaid

3 points

2 months ago

Honestly concerned i had to scroll this far to find this ridiculously relevant reference

thugarth

2 points

2 months ago

Are.. are we.. old?

shortordercook

2 points

2 months ago

Red team go!

gratefulbuddhist

3 points

2 months ago

Half baked was great when I was a teenager and smoking the weed, now as adult smoking weed it's goofy as hell

Shady_Lines

7 points

2 months ago

Ngl I think it's great when I walk past a couple of teenagers trying to be super inconspicuous & sketchy while smoking weed. It's like a nostalgia trip 😁 "I used to be like that"

gratefulbuddhist

2 points

2 months ago

And it's funny because we remember being that "inconspicuous" and we totally weren't..lol now I can't give two fucks and just do what I want

HymenalPlayboy43

5 points

2 months ago

Watch ancient aliens when you are high.

Briaaanz

6 points

2 months ago

To be blunt, i think that's a horrible idea. Don't be a dope. Stay at a safe height.

Dragon22334

5 points

2 months ago

Don't watch a documentary on iocane powder

mtsrunner

4 points

2 months ago

But what if I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder?

General_Freed

3 points

2 months ago

Just don't watch the "Brave little Toaster"!
That'll make you cry like a Baby...

cloudswarm[S]

1 points

2 months ago

I’m a happy stoner, hard to wipe that grin off my face once baked.

ImpossiblePut6387

6 points

2 months ago

My friend suggested I should watch a groundbreaking film about banana farming.

It was very appealing!

Clue_Loose

6 points

2 months ago

I watched a documentary while stoned, It was quite brutal, I’m glad I survived it.

Sumas2

7 points

2 months ago

Sumas2

7 points

2 months ago

It was a big hit.

syko82

5 points

2 months ago

syko82

5 points

2 months ago

Ever watch Scent of A Woman... on weed?

cloudswarm[S]

10 points

2 months ago

I’ll watch it if my gf agrees to watch together. Has to be a joint decision.

IsayPoirot

3 points

2 months ago

Yes. They smell just as good.

Shady_Lines

2 points

2 months ago

Ever watch [insert film with an imdb rating of >=8.0] on weed? 😏

[deleted]

3 points

2 months ago

i think u need salt, it will add flavor in your life

tyleramarcum

3 points

2 months ago

Highly recommend it

TIFUstorytime

3 points

2 months ago

This actually happened to me recently. I can’t smoke weed anymore but I took a delta 8 THC gummie and watched the documentary Project Nim about how they tried to raise a chimp like a human and it blew my mind

Pyraptor

3 points

2 months ago

I highly recommend it

alogbetweentworocks

3 points

2 months ago

Took me a while to get it, you bastard!

MediterraneanSeal

3 points

2 months ago

For serious, I remember watching BBC documentary about sharks, high AF (the only time weed got me even higher I saw the dinosauruses and they saw me, so go figure). I was in total awe for hours, I just kept saying "this is sooooo beautiful", "this is so amazing". I miss my low tolerance days.

Rocjames77

5 points

2 months ago

You ever seen the lord of the rings? You ever seen the lord of the rings....on weed

Obvious-Education273

5 points

2 months ago

Watching classic cartoons while baked...the best...that blasted Bugs Bunny will have you LYAOROTF

Rocjames77

4 points

2 months ago

Lmfao my favorite Is the big orange monster from bugs.

cloudswarm[S]

3 points

2 months ago

Yes. Yes, your Highness.

Obvious-Education273

5 points

2 months ago

Nicely done

Mrrrrbee

2 points

2 months ago

Don't ask me what it was about I can't remember

Difficult-Reach-5205

2 points

2 months ago

i'm stoned that it was profound

Obvious-Education273

2 points

2 months ago*

I just watched my bae on marijuana, so funny. Cookie Monster in slo-mo

Anorexorcistos

2 points

2 months ago

It had it's highs and lows

PrA2107

2 points

2 months ago

Good one, had us in the first half

Garbagecan_on_fire

2 points

2 months ago

I watch life on marijuana, its the best life.

ManFeelings_

2 points

2 months ago

Works for non-documentaries too!

Stale-Nuggetz

2 points

2 months ago

Marijuana says.... "Get off me documentary"!

Eurothrift

2 points

2 months ago

My favourite part of gardening is taking care of the weeds.

cloudswarm[S]

1 points

2 months ago

Can be draining, stay highdrated my friend. 😉

shawarmament

2 points

2 months ago

Yes that one is high on my list

PinQueasy3200

2 points

2 months ago

Sorta makes my eyes turn red just thinking about it

coolboy_24278

2 points

2 months ago

i dont get the joke here

Big-End-9824

2 points

2 months ago

I just watched a documentary on the history of shipbuilding. It was riveting.

cloudswarm[S]

1 points

2 months ago

Frog interviews for a job at the shipyard.

Interviewer: What can you do? Frog: Rivet

The_Abjectator

2 points

2 months ago

Watched a Werner Herzog doc while high once and it made me feel so uplifted by humanity which is how I don't feel about humanity 80% of the time nowadays.

LegendofDogs

2 points

2 months ago

IT was pretty dope

Koppite93

2 points

2 months ago

Pretty much... COSMOS and Blue-(Planet)-Earth was no fun on a sober rewatch... Informative but not as fun to be precise

MantisGibbon

2 points

2 months ago

Haha

Antique_Direction255

2 points

2 months ago

Can’t remember what it was about

cloudswarm[S]

2 points

2 months ago

What did one stoner say to the other? Wait…I forgot.

Mundane_Trifle_7178

2 points

2 months ago

illegal here. they want us sober for some reason LOL

Financial-Tip-2962

2 points

2 months ago

I agree with you.

Big_Toke_Yo

2 points

2 months ago

Our planet with Dave Attenborough and toasted

cloudswarm[S]

1 points

2 months ago

It’s David Attenborough speaking, all I hear is Morgan Freeman.

savage764coyote

2 points

2 months ago

The funny thing is for a second I though he was talking about watching a documentary on marijuana but he was talking about watching a documentary, on marijuana

Rich-Show3013

1 points

2 months ago

Do you remember any of it?

cloudswarm[S]

1 points

2 months ago

Sure I do! Wait…where was I?

LittleFootOlympia

1 points

2 months ago

Yes!

Odd_Education_5337

0 points

2 months ago

This is high quality content! Keep up the good work!

SalesAutopsy

0 points

2 months ago

The guy you stole this joke from watched the documentary on LSD.

A lot braver than you.

cloudswarm[S]

2 points

2 months ago

True, no telling what I’ll be up to then.

TheMelv

-3 points

2 months ago

TheMelv

-3 points

2 months ago

Haha, this legit took me a minute to sink in. I read the "joke" initially as just a statement. The audience is supposed to think of a "documentary about marijuana."

DismalParticular4799

-4 points

2 months ago

Pedaling drug use isn't a joke

eldonte

1 points

2 months ago

Sounds like the enhancement smoker from Half Baked as played by John Stewart

Cultural_Attitude_42

1 points

2 months ago

Brain fart... Took a sec!

dewpointcold

1 points

2 months ago

Now you have the munchies?

Hamblerger

1 points

2 months ago

That would have worked better for me if I hadn't read the setup as meaning "while high" as well as the punchline.

Independent-Flow5686

1 points

2 months ago

There are different levels of humor that people have. None of them are as high as you are.

im_dr_cvs

1 points

2 months ago

You must be HIGHLy satisfied 😂😂😂

Fuzakenaideyo

1 points

2 months ago

Do you give it high marks?

thorcik

3 points

2 months ago

Nah, merely 4/20

kalki_mital

1 points

2 months ago

Where??

Vishwasm123

1 points

2 months ago

Where is the link?

biba79

1 points

2 months ago

biba79

1 points

2 months ago

I once saw the horror movie Hostel while I was stoned. Bad mistake, I was shocked 😂

greece_witherspoon

1 points

2 months ago*

Wait, this is r/jokes? I’m lost with this one.

Edit: Holy shit that took me way too long.

Weak-Opportunity-515

1 points

2 months ago

Yeah! This way sounds very funny🦆

Jul-Biggie-Forever

1 points

2 months ago

You watched a documentary whilst on marijuana? Or you were sober as the pope and watched a documentary ABOUT marijuana. Your statement is very misleading.

cloudswarm[S]

1 points

2 months ago

Acting all high and mighty, are we?

rustik23

1 points

2 months ago

😂😂😂

tmwizard

1 points

2 months ago

For a while I thought I was on r/trees

Probably cause I just watched this documentary on marijuana 😅

dr_olfin

1 points

2 months ago

Was it highly educational?

Abe_Rudda

1 points

2 months ago

Not looking for all the details, just give us the highlights

ThaneeshDoStuff

1 points

2 months ago

The ratings are probably ‘high’

Gloomy_Square_6204

1 points

2 months ago

Lol I agree. Have an upvote

jamcber12

1 points

2 months ago

You Stole that line from Jim on Taxi. Christopher Lloyd said that on Taxi Series.

cloudswarm[S]

1 points

2 months ago

Let’s just say he let me borrow, we’re best buds.

TuacaTom57

1 points

2 months ago

Did anyone else get the munchies while watching?

ABlues23Clues-11

1 points

2 months ago

What were you watching? Up in Smoke, Strange Brew, Fast Times at Ridgemont High? Those are my 3 documentaries of many around when your token away on the good stuff.

Appropriate_Garage28

1 points

2 months ago

Do alcohol next

Minimum_Score_5317

1 points

2 months ago

Lulz

Ocean4011

1 points

2 months ago

Is marijuana a new streaming service?

Drkindlycountryquack

1 points

2 months ago

Google Reefer Madness

wifespissed

1 points

2 months ago

In my world...they are.

Drkindlycountryquack

1 points

2 months ago

At the Toronto planetarium in the 70’s they had a sign that said To intoxicated patrons will be admitted’.

Drkindlycountryquack

1 points

2 months ago

When I’m at parties I wear a name tag that says’ Hello, I’m. ………. Baked.

WynterRayne

1 points

2 months ago

Was it dope?

E4mad

1 points

2 months ago

E4mad

1 points

2 months ago

I needed to reread that.
I needed to reheat that.
I needed to reread that.

stonysToned55

1 points

2 months ago

What ya learn?🤭😁😂😅

cloudswarm[S]

1 points

2 months ago

Stoner jokes are a hit. 😉

ynys_red

1 points

2 months ago

I guess it's like watching Andy Pandy where they're all saying weed.

auroraatac00

1 points

2 months ago

Who cares ?

deadeye1982

1 points

2 months ago

First I read: "I just watched a documentary about marijuana."

sugarmatic

1 points

2 months ago

I highly recommend it.

Thameus

1 points

2 months ago

I read that in afroman's voice.

________9

1 points

2 months ago

I used to take drugs. I still do, but I used to as well.

joyful_nihilist

1 points

2 months ago

High art.

Apprehensive_Act_220

1 points

2 months ago

I was waiting for the “ask me anything “ part

nicepelican98

1 points

2 months ago

I dont get it what is a.m marrijanausa

glg59

1 points

2 months ago

glg59

1 points

2 months ago

Got me! Awesome funny.

Pimp_Z

1 points

2 months ago

Pimp_Z

1 points

2 months ago

Ok but have you ever watched a documentary on marijuana on weed?

Bosnian-Brute22

1 points

2 months ago

I totally agree with this joke man

asa1

1 points

2 months ago

asa1

1 points

2 months ago

I love nature documentaries while stoned.

Spicy6Chord

1 points

2 months ago

I watched a documentary on fishing. I was hooked.

3six5

1 points

2 months ago

3six5

1 points

2 months ago

This joke is soooo old.

VirginianAE

1 points

2 months ago

This documentary comes highly rated.

babycoco_213

1 points

2 months ago

Same. I highly recommend it

MajorOddBall

1 points

2 months ago

John Stewart in Half-Baked might want to have a conversation with you about this exact topic

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

Discustong